If you have ever found yourself awake at 2 am Googling whether your baby “should” be sleeping through by now, you are far from alone.

In my work as a Private Health Visitor, one of the most common worries I hear from parents is quiet but heavy. Their baby or toddler is still waking overnight, and they are starting to wonder if they have done something wrong.

The phrase “sleeping through” has become deeply embedded in modern parenting culture. It is often presented as the gold standard of good sleep and, by extension, good parenting. But the reality is far more nuanced and, for many families, far more reassuring.

In this guide, we will look at what sleeping through actually means, what normal night waking looks like across the early years, how neurodiversity can affect sleep patterns, and when it may be worth seeking extra support.

What Does “Sleeping Through” Actually Mean?

One of the biggest problems with the phrase sleeping through is that it has no single agreed definition.

In research studies, sleeping through has been defined in different ways, including:

• A five hour uninterrupted stretch
• A six hour stretch
• An eight hour stretch

Many understandably tired parents assume sleeping through means a full twelve hours without waking. In reality, even many adults do not sleep in one completely unbroken block every night.

Sleep happens in cycles. At the end of each cycle, we all briefly rouse. Adults usually roll over and go back to sleep without remembering. Babies and toddlers are much more likely to fully signal for support during these transitions, especially in the first few years of life.

This means a child can be sleeping in a developmentally healthy way and still wake overnight.

Importantly, sleeping through is not a medical milestone, and there is no specific age by which children must achieve it.

Normal Night Waking by Age

Sleep is developmental, individual and strongly influenced by temperament and environment. However, there are broad patterns that can help parents feel more grounded in what is typical.

Birth to 6 months

Frequent night waking is biologically expected in early infancy. Most babies wake every two to four hours, often for feeding but also for regulation and reassurance.

At this stage you may notice:

• Regular night feeds
• Noisy or active sleep
• Brief waking between cycles
• Increased waking during growth spurts

Some babies do offer longer stretches, but this is not required for healthy development.

6 to 12 months

During the second half of the first year, some babies begin linking sleep cycles for longer periods. However, night waking remains extremely common.

Sleep at this age is often affected by:

• Teething
• Increased mobility such as crawling or pulling to stand
• Separation awareness
• Illness
• Developmental leaps

Many parents are surprised to see sleep become more unsettled during this stage, even if their baby previously slept in longer stretches.

12 to 24 months

Toddlers often show more mature sleep patterns, but night waking frequently reappears around big developmental shifts.

You may see:

• Strong separation anxiety
• Increased awareness of surroundings
• Bedtime resistance
• Comfort seeking overnight
• Temporary sleep disruption during language bursts

This does not usually mean sleep is going backwards. It often reflects rapid brain development.

2 to 3 years

By this stage, some children sleep through consistently, while others still wake overnight.

Common influences include:

• Nightmares or vivid dreams
• Nap transitions
• Developmental changes
• Strong attachment needs
• Boundary testing at bedtime

There is still a wide range of normal at this age.

Why Night Waking Happens

Understanding why children wake can reduce a huge amount of parental anxiety.

Common reasons include:

Biological sleep cycles
Young children have shorter sleep cycles than adults and are more likely to fully wake between them.

Hunger and feeding needs
Especially in the first year, night feeding can remain developmentally appropriate.

Separation awareness
As babies become more aware of their caregivers, they often seek reassurance overnight.

Developmental leaps
Periods of rapid brain development frequently disrupt sleep temporarily.

Illness and teething
Physical discomfort commonly increases night waking.

Overtiredness or schedule shifts
Sleep pressure that is too high or too low can both affect night settling.

For most children, night waking is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It is part of the complex process of sleep development.

The Important Nuance of Neurodiversity and Sleep

This is an area that is still too often overlooked in mainstream sleep advice.

Neurodivergent children, including those with autism, ADHD or sensory processing differences, often have genuinely different sleep profiles.

Families may notice:

• Increased sensitivity to light, sound or clothing
• Longer wind down periods
• Higher levels of night time anxiety or hyperarousal
• Differences in melatonin regulation
• Greater need for co regulation and reassurance
• More variable sleep rhythms across development

This variability is not caused by poor parenting. It reflects real differences in how the nervous system processes and regulates sleep.

For neurodivergent children especially, rigid one size fits all sleep expectations can increase stress for both parent and child. Gentle, responsive and individualised approaches tend to be far more effective.

When Night Waking Is Usually Not a Problem

It can be reassuring to know when night waking sits within the expected range.

In many cases, waking is likely to be part of typical development if:

• Your child settles with support
• They are growing and developing well
• Daytime mood is generally settled
• There are some longer stretches emerging over time
• The pattern fluctuates around illness or developmental changes

While exhausting, this pattern is often part of the normal sleep journey.

When to Look a Little Closer

There are times when additional support or assessment may be helpful.

Consider seeking guidance if:

• Sleep is persistently very fragmented over many weeks
• Your child appears distressed or uncomfortable overnight
• There are concerns about reflux, breathing or pain
• Daytime behaviour and mood are significantly affected
• Family exhaustion is becoming overwhelming
• Sleep difficulties are not improving over time

Trust your instincts. Parents are often the first to sense when something does not feel quite right.

Gentle Ways to Support More Settled Nights

While perfection is not the goal, there are supportive strategies that often help sleep become more settled over time.

Keep bedtime calm and predictable
A consistent wind down routine helps signal to the nervous system that sleep is approaching.

Watch overtiredness
Many children settle more easily when their sleep pressure is balanced rather than pushed too far.

Prioritise connection in the day
Children who feel securely connected during the day often settle more easily at night.

Respond consistently overnight
Predictable, calm responses help children feel safe moving between sleep cycles.

Support the sleep environment
Dark, cool and quiet spaces often support more settled sleep.

For neurodivergent children, it may also help to consider sensory preferences, longer wind down time and additional reassurance.

You Are Not Behind

If your child is not sleeping through, please hear this clearly.

Your child does not need to sleep perfectly to be developing well.

Your parenting is not measured in uninterrupted hours.

Sleep in the early years is a developmental process that unfolds over time, often with periods of progress followed by temporary disruption.

The goal is not perfection. The goal is supported, responsive sleep that works for your child and your family.

How I Can Support You

If nights are feeling heavy and you would like calm, realistic guidance, you are very welcome inside The Nest, my supportive parenting community.

Inside, I share evidence informed sleep support, reassurance for tired parents and practical strategies that respect your child’s development, including important nuance for neurodivergent children.

You do not have to second guess your way through this alone book a 15 min chat to see how and if I can help.